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As a parent, there are many things you need to teach a young boy about the world before he matures.  There are so many preconceived notions that tend to minimize the significance of intentionally and actively teaching our sons about life, with the belief that they’ll eventually figure it out on their own (for example, “boys will be boys”). If our sons are still young, we must teach them:

It’s okay to cry!

Boys tend to suppress their emotions because they are taught that emotions are exclusively the domain of women. It’s best to teach boys that it’s okay to cry because they tend to hide their emotions. They learn how to properly express their emotions when crying is acceptable.

To shed the label of toxic masculinity

Boys experience the same levels of suffering, trauma, and anxiety as other people do. Don’t let social pressures to be a man steal his true self. Teach your boys that it’s acceptable to feel weak, vulnerable, and delicate, and to ask for assistance when needed without feeling bad about it.

Cooking and Cleaning

For the sake of their own independence, parents should teach their sons how to cook and clean. Boys should also be taught that caring for a home and raising children are shared responsibilities, not just their partner’s. 

You don’t have to use violence to prove your manliness

Boys should learn to assert themselves and speak up for the people they care about, but this does not necessarily mean that they should fight to uphold the honour of their family. The manliest action a man can do is to easily silence an oppressor or bully without having to lift a finger.

How to control his temper

Boys acquire their explosive reputations naturally. In all honesty, their testosterone makes them more likely to experience anger problems. Start by explaining to your son that, in the end, he must be in control of his anger and his behaviour. 

Some couples view marriage as the start of a journey where they will get to know and love one another more deeply every day. Others would rather have a clearer picture of the course they are about to take. Couples should spend some time talking about some fundamental issues that almost all married couples will face. These are some of the more crucial conversations for those getting married.

Family

Every person involved in a marriage usually joins the newly created family. As a result, there are many new relationships to manage as well as potential new obligations. Many people take the idea of combining two members from two different families very lightly. But if it’s not partially addressed before you say I do, it could lead to a lot of strain and stress. The amount of interaction each person expects to have with their own family after the marriage should be discussed by the couple.  After you get married, what role will your family play in your life?  Will you adopt new traditions or carry on those from your ancestors? What part will our family play in our lives and in the choices, we make?

Money and Finances

Divorce is frequently prompted by financial issues. People who are getting married should talk about whether and how they will handle their finances. It is necessary to disclose spending patterns and the presence of current debt. All financial accounts must be disclosed.  Couples should decide whether they will have joint bank accounts and credit cards as well as whether their total income will be combined. 

Personal History

Beginning a marriage while keeping important secrets from your past is a recipe for trouble. It is best to address problems with family, health, prior alcohol or drug use, excessive gambling, or criminal activity before getting married. 

Children

This subject has a lot of significant components that are worth spending time on discussing and sorting out. There is a lot more to family planning before marriage than just daydreaming about baby names. What number of kids do you hope to have? What occurs if you are unable to conceive? What kind of parenting you believe in and how you were raised? 

Household Tasks

Conflicts may occur if one spouse hails from a household where weekly cleaning services were employed, and the other spouse grew up in one where daily cooking and cleaning duties were expected of the kids. Different standards for home cleanliness and organisation can quickly cause conflict that could have been easily avoided with a little conversation.

Religion

As you proceed, it is important to think about and have discussions about your prayer life, religious teachings, and spiritual roles. What percentage of your lives are religious? How will having children with people of different faiths impact you? Will conflict arise because your spouse does not share your religious convictions?

Expectations

Everyone’s definition of marriage is different. Some believe it to be a partnership that almost completely consumes them, while others believe it to be a binding contract. By discussing your expectations, you can ensure that neither of you has any unmet needs or demands, giving you the impression that you are embarking on this new chapter as a team.

Being a brown girl means that you are always rushing around, simply trying to live up to the absurd standards that society has set for success. For brown girls, life resembles an impossible tunnel from which it is very challenging to escape.

Being a brown girl certainly has its ups and downs. Below we have listed daily struggles faced by a brown girl that will make you feel everything-laughter, tears, and head nods.

Privacy concerns

Being brown indicates that you probably have a large family, and it is more difficult to conceal things in a bigger family. You have no privacy at all, and you’ll always be found out no matter what you do.

Beta, When I was your age…

Growing up in a brown family, you’ll constantly be judged on how smart your parents were when they were kids. Your mothers will mostly tell you Beta, “When I was your age, I was already married.”

When is the baby coming?

Brown parents and aunties are obsessed with babies. Any girl who has been married recently will attest to being ruthlessly confronted with the disturbing inquiry, “Khushkhabri kab milnay wali hai?”

You will not find a groom if you are overaged

The obsession with young brides is high in our culture. In the context of marriage, a man’s age is never a subject of discussion. Only women in brown households are considered to be overaged and they often get to hear, No one would marry an ‘overaged’ girl!

Brown girl curfews

Being a brown girl has its challenges, including unfair judgment from aunts and uncles. Boys and girls have different curfews and every time girls attempt to stay up a little later than their curfew, they get to hear that phrase.

“Beta, it’s not you we don’t trust, it’s people we don’t trust”.

You can continue your studies after marriage

Brown parents consider their daughter’s marriage to be much more important than her academic career. Because of this, they save money for their daughter’s “big day” but not for her education. They even encourage her to think that once she has her “own house,” she can pursue her education if her husband and in-laws have “permitted” her. 

Fair skin obsession

Brown people are obsessed with fair skin and you will often come across a comment from an aunty telling you that “Put on this whitening cream or this home remedy is best to get fair skin.”

As a brown girl, can you relate to these struggles? Tell us in the comments below.

We are rooting for one another and all of us deserve nothing but the absolute best when it comes to relationships! However, sometimes we forget how to sustain high standards that are realistic as well.

Unchangeable Vs Compromise
These are different for every person but one must not compromise on their non-negotiables in a relationship because in the long-term that just makes one bitter. Your non-negotiables might be the way they treat you and other people around you – are they nice towards your family and friends? Are they respectful towards your goals and ambitions? However, sometimes due to our past traumas we are extremely selective and particular about certain things such as their income should be above a certain amount or that they must like all the same sports you do or all the same tv shows.


Understanding one another’s “love language”
Everyone has their own love language – while for some it might be words of affection, others might communicate their love through acts of service. It is important to have a conversation with your partner about your love language. This would help them in putting in effort to express love in the way you want and help you in acknowledging when they express it in their own way.


Continue to follow your passion and encouraging your partner to do the same
Many times what attracts us to one another is our confidence, ambition and passion. However, it is natural sometimes to lose those things – to find it difficult to follow your passion. This is where you need to remind one another of each other’s strengths and support them in following their dream because chances are if they are inspired and motivated, they will bring that energy into the relationship.


Evaluating your deal breaker list
Your deal breaker list should be focused but concise. While some couples work around things, if you believe it is a deal breaker, stick to it. Do they absolutely hate to travel while you live for it? If this is a deal breaker, then bye bye. However, if your deal breaker list is long and winding, it might be time for you to re-evaluate it. The best thing to do in order to maintain realistically high standards is to know yourself and know what you want and then to simply go after it!

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