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Relationships

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Relationship red flags are warning indications that your partner and you may have unhealthy patterns of conduct.

It’s common knowledge that we should avoid people who show red flags in relationships, but what specific warning signs should we be looking out for?

You might not be aware of the warning signs whether you’re dating someone new, have a long-term partner or are even married. Let’s look at some typical warning signs that can appear in every relationship. You can stop toxicity before too much harm is done by understanding what they look like and why they are dangerous.

Constant lying

It’s not a good indicator if you have to catch your partner lying all the time. We’re all guilty of white lies, but if you discover that your partner is lying frequently or getting caught, it’s a warning sign.

Being lied to repeatedly might make it challenging to establish a strong foundation for the relationship or tear one apart that you’ve already established, which can result in a shaky future.

Controlling Behaviour

If your spouse is envious, this could result in controlling behaviour. For instance, if you have a social life outside of your partnership, they can become envious. A jealous partner may also try to regulate your behaviour by making a lot of calls or texts to you.

Attempts to control normally begin gently but soon get more intense, leaving the person feeling as though nothing they do is “good enough.”

Lack of communication

In a healthy relationship, both partners can express their emotions freely without worrying about being judged or criticised.

A partner who resorts to blame-laying, passive aggression, or hostile emotional expression is engaging in poor communication. Since healthy, open communication is the cornerstone of a successful relationship, issues will arise if you and your partner are unable to do so.

Physical, emotional, or mental abuse

In any relationship, signs of abuse—physical, emotional, and mental—are obvious. It’s simpler to start practising physical abuse. However, long-term harm from emotional and psychological abuse can be just as bad. PTSD can also result from emotional and mental trauma, much like physical violence.

Gaslighting

A blatant red flag in any relationship is gaslighting. A typical form of manipulation is gaslighting. It is a deceptive sort of emotional abuse when the manipulator makes you doubt your judgement or sanity. Gaslighting victims are made to feel guilty even if they didn’t do anything wrong.

Anger issues

If someone close to you struggles with controlling their anger, confrontation may make you feel intimidated or dangerous. Lack of emotional control is a major relationship red sign.

With a companion or partner, we should all feel secure enough to discuss challenging topics without worrying about our safety. Anyone who intimidates others out of rage is acting in a destructive way.

Narcissism

A psychiatric disorder called narcissistic personality disorder shows a false sense of importance and self-obsession. Narcissists think that they are the centre of the universe. And if someone challenges this conviction, unrest and chaos frequently follow.

It can be draining and upsetting to become emotionally linked with a narcissistic, ego-driven person. Their requirements will always be given precedence over yours.

Cheating has always existed, from high school students to millionaire actors. However, the year 2022 witnessed several high-profile cases that brought cheating to light.

It can be terrible to learn your lover has cheated. You may experience hurt, rage, sadness, or even physical sickness. But more than anything, you might be asking, “Why?”

Cheating is rarely an easy process. People cheat for a variety of reasons, and the patterns are more nuanced than typical stereotypes would imply. A thorough investigation turned out eight main causes: resentment, low self-worth, lack of love, lack of commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and setting or circumstance. These reasons not only affected why people cheated, but also how long they cheated, how much they enjoyed the affair, how much emotion they invested in the affair, and if their primary relationship ended as a result.

In general, the thrilling sensation of being in love with someone doesn’t continue forever. When you initially fall in love with someone, receiving a text from them could cause you to feel passionate, ecstatic, and dopamine-rush. But these emotions typically lose some of their influence with time. Yes, there is solid, enduring love. However, those butterflies from the first date will only get you so far. You may conclude that the love simply isn’t there once the glitter wears off. Or perhaps you realize that you love someone else.

Even the opportunity of cheating increases the likelihood of infidelity. This does not imply that everyone who has the chance to cheat will. The desire to cheat is frequently increased by other conditions, albeit not always.

Intimacy demands in a relationship can occasionally be unsatisfied by one or both partners. Especially if the relationship is otherwise gratifying, many people decide to stay in it in the hopes that things will change. Unmet needs, though, might cause frustration, which might get worse if things don’t get better. This might encourage you to find other ways to satisfy those demands.

In some circumstances, cheating may be more prevalent in people who struggle with commitment. Additionally, not everyone defines commitment in the same way. Two people in a relationship could have quite different perceptions of the status of their union, including whether it should be considered casual, exclusive, etc.

Cheating can be terrible and even damaging, but it can also be a gift. It could be that you’ve been valuing your connection less than you should have, or you’ve now realized that your relationship has been broken for a long time. In any case, it’s time to give yourself or your partner more attention.

It can be difficult and even overwhelming to move past a loved one, especially if the split came as a complete surprise. After all, it can be heart-breaking to let go of these emotions and move on with your life when you care for someone so strongly.

Fortunately, there are tried-and-true methods for moving on for real in all senses after losing someone you love. Just keep in mind that healing takes time and there is no specific pace you need to maintain.

Cut off contact

This must be done initially to protect your physical and mental well-being. You don’t have to be aware of their location or their companions. Eliminate any contact with your ex.

Keep in mind that any type of communication with them, whether direct or indirect, may bring back unpleasant memories and possibly even induce dreams. These are the things that will cause you to turn around when you ought to be concentrating on moving forward.

Accept the reality of the situation

Accepting the truth of what happened is the first step in moving past a loved one. For instance, it’s time to accept the possibility of unrequited love when the person you’re in love with doesn’t feel the same way about you and stop holding out hope that circumstances would suddenly improve.

When you accept the fact that this person doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about them, you can make this the turning point and start the healing process.

Love yourself more

You’re at a very vulnerable point right now, questioning your ability to receive love and whether you’ll ever meet someone who can compare to your ex. Instead of turning inward for the solution, focus on strengthening your inner core.

Love yourself more. More accurately understand, accept, forgive, and empathize with yourself.

Get rid of any negative thoughts and remind yourself that you have everything it takes to make someone else’s life better, and that person will do the same for you.

Rely on your support system

As you heal from a broken heart, don’t be reluctant to ask friends, relatives, or a qualified professional for assistance. You don’t have to handle this challenging relationship scenario by yourself and having friends and family members who care about you can be crucial to moving on and letting go.

Be willing to ask for and receptive to receiving assistance. You can escape that funk and realise that you have a lot to be grateful for when you surround yourself with people who have your back and only want the best for you.

Get Rid of the Physical Memories

Getting rid of the lingering reminders that are still in your vicinity is a critical step in moving on. If you still have pictures of your ex in your apartment or if their belongings are littered throughout your room, they are still very much a part of your life.

 Clean and organise your personal space to make way for sentimental items and memories with someone new when you’re ready to move on from them.

Look forward

It’s critical to focus on the future rather than the past if you want to move over a split that seemed to come out of nowhere and get over someone you love. You won’t ever be able to move on from this individual if you keep rehearsing every interaction in your head and analysing every chat to figure out what went wrong.

 Getting over this person will be lot easier if you opt to look forward and concentrate your energy on what lies ahead because you won’t be continuously thinking about what happened in the past. Healing requires both time and space. Give yourself enough time to move on from the past so you can develop in this new phase of your life.

A relationship is an essential aspect of life. As a result, it needs to be protected and nourished to make sure that it continues to be beneficial to all parties. To establish a good relationship, it’s also critical to understand what those elements are.

We’ll talk about seven essential components that are necessary for you to build and sustain a fulfilling and healthy relationship with someone.

Respect:

Respecting each other’s opinions should be the first vital factor to consider. It involves being kind and empathetic to your partner even when you don’t agree with them. Giving and receiving respect are the two axes around which life revolves.

Communication:

Any connection must start with communication. When both parties feel free to openly express their thoughts, feelings, opinions, and beliefs as well as their joys, sufferings, and concerns they connect intimately and come to a mutual understanding.

Communication can be challenging at first, but as you both become more familiar with each other’s likes and dislikes, secrets, etc., it becomes simpler.

Trust

Being able to trust your partner is crucial; else, the relationship won’t last. When you trust someone, you are prepared to rely on them even when they are not present. Additionally, it implies that you are at ease and confident in their ability to protect you from harm and betrayal.

Autonomy

Having your autonomy, or being able to make decisions on your own, is one of the most crucial aspects of a partnership. If both or all partners have the freedom to run their own lives, you have a solid basis for creating room for each other and developing as a couple.

Working through disagreements

Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. It’s common to disagree with our significant other’s tastes, opinions, and values. Couples that ignore or avoid disagreement frequently end up with higher tensions and unfulfilled demands.

Any relationship—whether it’s with a friend, relative, or significant other—benefits from having healthy conflict resolution techniques that involve respectful communication and active listening.

Consent

Giving consent indicates that you agree with what is taking place and that no one is pressuring you or using guilt to make you do something you don’t want to. Giving consent once does not obligate you to continue giving it in the future; consent can be revoked at any moment.

Understanding

Understanding in relationships is essential on several levels and is the key to unlocking many other crucial aspects of a successful partnership. Understanding relationships enable you to empathise with the other person, give them room to express their thoughts and feelings, and recognise what they are going through.

The excellent and unique leader Imam Ali (AS) distinguishes out from all other leaders. Along with believers, several non-Muslims also loved his character and unique features. They tried to emphasise facets of this unending leader of ages’ persona and have published hundreds of books and research papers about him.

By the manner he made decisions in every situation that came across his concept of justice, historians consider him to be one of the most just rulers and an exceptional model of social justice.

Respect and Humility

He encouraged people to treat one another with kindness and to spread peace and love to all people. Many times, humiliating and vilifying others makes people joyful. Even his adversaries received Hazrat Ali’s words with deference and respect.

Human Rights

Human rights had the highest priority under his caliphate. They included the freedoms to live, to speak, to be treated equally (across racial groups), and to act.

Loyalty

At a period when everyone was a disbeliever, Hazrat Ali (R.A) was deeply devoted to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). He stated, “Blessings are for the man who earns honestly, distributes alms in the name of Allah, has good tongue control, doesn’t oppress others, doesn’t add new laws to Islam, and has a great character.”

Knowledge and Wisdom

Hazrat Ali’s (R.A) life taught us many lessons. He was a fountain of information, yet he never took credit for it. It’s all because, according to the following hadith about him, he was the only one to receive Hazrat Muhammad PBUH’s insight and understanding. “I am the city of wisdom, and Ali is its doorway,” the Holy Prophet (PBUH) remarked.

As a parent, there are many things you need to teach a young boy about the world before he matures.  There are so many preconceived notions that tend to minimize the significance of intentionally and actively teaching our sons about life, with the belief that they’ll eventually figure it out on their own (for example, “boys will be boys”). If our sons are still young, we must teach them:

It’s okay to cry!

Boys tend to suppress their emotions because they are taught that emotions are exclusively the domain of women. It’s best to teach boys that it’s okay to cry because they tend to hide their emotions. They learn how to properly express their emotions when crying is acceptable.

To shed the label of toxic masculinity

Boys experience the same levels of suffering, trauma, and anxiety as other people do. Don’t let social pressures to be a man steal his true self. Teach your boys that it’s acceptable to feel weak, vulnerable, and delicate, and to ask for assistance when needed without feeling bad about it.

Cooking and Cleaning

For the sake of their own independence, parents should teach their sons how to cook and clean. Boys should also be taught that caring for a home and raising children are shared responsibilities, not just their partner’s. 

You don’t have to use violence to prove your manliness

Boys should learn to assert themselves and speak up for the people they care about, but this does not necessarily mean that they should fight to uphold the honour of their family. The manliest action a man can do is to easily silence an oppressor or bully without having to lift a finger.

How to control his temper

Boys acquire their explosive reputations naturally. In all honesty, their testosterone makes them more likely to experience anger problems. Start by explaining to your son that, in the end, he must be in control of his anger and his behaviour. 

Some couples view marriage as the start of a journey where they will get to know and love one another more deeply every day. Others would rather have a clearer picture of the course they are about to take. Couples should spend some time talking about some fundamental issues that almost all married couples will face. These are some of the more crucial conversations for those getting married.

Family

Every person involved in a marriage usually joins the newly created family. As a result, there are many new relationships to manage as well as potential new obligations. Many people take the idea of combining two members from two different families very lightly. But if it’s not partially addressed before you say I do, it could lead to a lot of strain and stress. The amount of interaction each person expects to have with their own family after the marriage should be discussed by the couple.  After you get married, what role will your family play in your life?  Will you adopt new traditions or carry on those from your ancestors? What part will our family play in our lives and in the choices, we make?

Money and Finances

Divorce is frequently prompted by financial issues. People who are getting married should talk about whether and how they will handle their finances. It is necessary to disclose spending patterns and the presence of current debt. All financial accounts must be disclosed.  Couples should decide whether they will have joint bank accounts and credit cards as well as whether their total income will be combined. 

Personal History

Beginning a marriage while keeping important secrets from your past is a recipe for trouble. It is best to address problems with family, health, prior alcohol or drug use, excessive gambling, or criminal activity before getting married. 

Children

This subject has a lot of significant components that are worth spending time on discussing and sorting out. There is a lot more to family planning before marriage than just daydreaming about baby names. What number of kids do you hope to have? What occurs if you are unable to conceive? What kind of parenting you believe in and how you were raised? 

Household Tasks

Conflicts may occur if one spouse hails from a household where weekly cleaning services were employed, and the other spouse grew up in one where daily cooking and cleaning duties were expected of the kids. Different standards for home cleanliness and organisation can quickly cause conflict that could have been easily avoided with a little conversation.

Religion

As you proceed, it is important to think about and have discussions about your prayer life, religious teachings, and spiritual roles. What percentage of your lives are religious? How will having children with people of different faiths impact you? Will conflict arise because your spouse does not share your religious convictions?

Expectations

Everyone’s definition of marriage is different. Some believe it to be a partnership that almost completely consumes them, while others believe it to be a binding contract. By discussing your expectations, you can ensure that neither of you has any unmet needs or demands, giving you the impression that you are embarking on this new chapter as a team.

Being a brown girl means that you are always rushing around, simply trying to live up to the absurd standards that society has set for success. For brown girls, life resembles an impossible tunnel from which it is very challenging to escape.

Being a brown girl certainly has its ups and downs. Below we have listed daily struggles faced by a brown girl that will make you feel everything-laughter, tears, and head nods.

Privacy concerns

Being brown indicates that you probably have a large family, and it is more difficult to conceal things in a bigger family. You have no privacy at all, and you’ll always be found out no matter what you do.

Beta, When I was your age…

Growing up in a brown family, you’ll constantly be judged on how smart your parents were when they were kids. Your mothers will mostly tell you Beta, “When I was your age, I was already married.”

When is the baby coming?

Brown parents and aunties are obsessed with babies. Any girl who has been married recently will attest to being ruthlessly confronted with the disturbing inquiry, “Khushkhabri kab milnay wali hai?”

You will not find a groom if you are overaged

The obsession with young brides is high in our culture. In the context of marriage, a man’s age is never a subject of discussion. Only women in brown households are considered to be overaged and they often get to hear, No one would marry an ‘overaged’ girl!

Brown girl curfews

Being a brown girl has its challenges, including unfair judgment from aunts and uncles. Boys and girls have different curfews and every time girls attempt to stay up a little later than their curfew, they get to hear that phrase.

“Beta, it’s not you we don’t trust, it’s people we don’t trust”.

You can continue your studies after marriage

Brown parents consider their daughter’s marriage to be much more important than her academic career. Because of this, they save money for their daughter’s “big day” but not for her education. They even encourage her to think that once she has her “own house,” she can pursue her education if her husband and in-laws have “permitted” her. 

Fair skin obsession

Brown people are obsessed with fair skin and you will often come across a comment from an aunty telling you that “Put on this whitening cream or this home remedy is best to get fair skin.”

As a brown girl, can you relate to these struggles? Tell us in the comments below.

We are rooting for one another and all of us deserve nothing but the absolute best when it comes to relationships! However, sometimes we forget how to sustain high standards that are realistic as well.

Unchangeable Vs Compromise
These are different for every person but one must not compromise on their non-negotiables in a relationship because in the long-term that just makes one bitter. Your non-negotiables might be the way they treat you and other people around you – are they nice towards your family and friends? Are they respectful towards your goals and ambitions? However, sometimes due to our past traumas we are extremely selective and particular about certain things such as their income should be above a certain amount or that they must like all the same sports you do or all the same tv shows.


Understanding one another’s “love language”
Everyone has their own love language – while for some it might be words of affection, others might communicate their love through acts of service. It is important to have a conversation with your partner about your love language. This would help them in putting in effort to express love in the way you want and help you in acknowledging when they express it in their own way.


Continue to follow your passion and encouraging your partner to do the same
Many times what attracts us to one another is our confidence, ambition and passion. However, it is natural sometimes to lose those things – to find it difficult to follow your passion. This is where you need to remind one another of each other’s strengths and support them in following their dream because chances are if they are inspired and motivated, they will bring that energy into the relationship.


Evaluating your deal breaker list
Your deal breaker list should be focused but concise. While some couples work around things, if you believe it is a deal breaker, stick to it. Do they absolutely hate to travel while you live for it? If this is a deal breaker, then bye bye. However, if your deal breaker list is long and winding, it might be time for you to re-evaluate it. The best thing to do in order to maintain realistically high standards is to know yourself and know what you want and then to simply go after it!

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